Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
