my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
