Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
