There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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