And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
