those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
