Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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