craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
