I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
