is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
