Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize