i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
