mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
