I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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