I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
