I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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