actually, I'm a sock model
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
