He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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