I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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