How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
