Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
