i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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