I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
