He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
