I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
