i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize