I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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