people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
