Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
