So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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