oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
