I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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