In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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