Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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