Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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