She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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