I wish I only lived at night.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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