booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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