Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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