it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
