plz talk dirty to me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
