Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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