I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
