Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Someone came in the potted fern
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
