I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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