Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
