Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
