it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
