I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
