you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
