Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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