i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
