Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
being pregnant is like rehab
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
