Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
