I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
smell my finger.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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