I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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