We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
