u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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