Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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