margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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