people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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