Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What a dumb baby whore.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize