you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
