Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh god it's open bar.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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