my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
