do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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