Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
