I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
