you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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