I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
