I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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