someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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