He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
