This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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