Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
